“Unknown Journey”
I can still hear the words echo in my ears “hurry hurry we have to go”, Go; where are we going I thought as the four of us girls grabbed each other and hurried out the door to follow mom. We were asked to leave everything behind and just wear what was on our backs, funny though I have no recollection of what I wore that day. I could feel the cold damp earth beneath my feet and see the river beside me; we were rushing just like the river. Follow the river my mother whispered to us “follow the river”. I love the river, the rushing water as it spills over the rainbow of rocks, cool water under my feet when I play in it. Today there was no playing, no water rushing under my feet just fear and anguish rushing through my mind, through my body.
I know inside me this is wrong; where were we going and why the need to hide amongst the beautiful trees. I could smell their branches as they gently rocked speaking to me telling me not to worry. I can remember the branches scrapping up against my skin, the earth pounding under my little feet as I ran alongside my sisters. I am tired and hungry “can’t we stop?” I asked my mom. We cannot, someone will discover us, come fast let’s get going she cried back to us. Caught by who was the question rolling around inside my head, why are we running and where are we running.
We ran ten miles that day along side the river, my river of joy and play. My river became a new river, one of sanctuary and pain. I no longer remember much of that day our journey or its purpose. I will never forget one thing though “the river” it will always flow in my mind and my memories.
This was only one of many journeys’ I took with my mother after a while they were no longer so surprising. We would run from something and then eventually come back to whatever it was we ran from in the first place. There was one journey my mother took that still stands out in my mind and the memory was to stay with me for a long time affecting all that came after.
I had been out that day playing can’t quite remember where or what I was doing but likely whatever it was I was doing it alone as I usually did. Our house in Chilliwack was on a dead-end road next to the airport, I liked it there and would watch the airplanes come and go dreaming that it was I on them. I enjoyed sauntering up the road leading to the house. It was long and I would take it slowly looking at the beautiful old houses all unique in they’re own way. That day as I was coming home things were no different I came up the road, took in the beauty of the houses and watched a few planes take off and land. It was when I reached the house things changed.
I remember climbing the steps, opening our door and having the silence hit me. It was so quite where was everybody “hello anybody home”. I wandered into each room, kitchen, living room and all three bedrooms searching for anybody “Mom, Dad” are you here? My three sisters were nowhere to be found “must all be out” I thought to myself but inside there was something not right, I could feel it. I decided to sit on our couch and wait a while maybe someone will come home soon. After sitting for about three hours finally I heard the knob turn on our front door; I expected to see everybody walk in but instead there was only my dad. “Where is everybody?” I asked. Gone he said, “Gone where, when will they be back” They won’t, your mother took the girls and left. I stood there in disbelief at first not able to say anything then I remember screaming at my father “She wouldn’t leave not without me, your lying”. He wasn’t.
She had left taken my sisters and gone on another one of her journeys, I wasn’t home at the time so she left me behind. Fear came over me I wasn’t sure why then and not even now is it clear to me but the thought of staying alone in the house with my dad was not a pleasant one. I ran that day all the way to my friend’s house; her family was the closet thing to me at the time. I stayed with them for a long time in fact they wanted to adopt me, but eventually my mother returned once again from her journey and no matter how much I begged them to let me live with this family mom refused to allow it.
I didn’t know it at that time but this event in my life changed things and years later is when I would be reminded just how affected I was.
2005