My first question is where did the expectation of responsibility and it's different levels come from? Who sets them up? Personally, I found they came from the boundaries that I myself and especially others, whether it be family, co-workers, friends or mates, set for me or themselves. It is the pressure of these personal and outside expectations that set these boundaries.

What is it that makes people think I have to share in or live the dreams they have set for me? Whoever said I wanted to be just like them?

I am proud of who they are, so be proud of who I am. Their responsibilities may be a steady job with benefits and a great wage, family gatherings upon request - set sometimes months ahead, making crafts, sewing, baking or even regulated spring cleaning, loving someone out of comfort and familiarity, saving and investing for their retirement, the ownership and collection of material objects or owning a house, giving up all for their grown children... There is nothing wrong with these things for them, in fact my support is there if that is what they want.

Now where in the universe does it say that my dreams can not be different, with as many crazy twists as needed to suit me and my happiness. Is there someone or something that says my responsibilities cannot be working for the pure enjoyment without concern for a great wage or a lot of benefits, living off the cuff of my sleeve each day so I can move or change with the wind, painting a childlike picture, playing with tonka toys or blowing on the harmonica, changing my mind at the last minute without the loss of my families hearts, living without the burden of what family may feel brought them shame but gave me joy, living in the present day and not in the past years, months and days...

Most important question I need to ask is who said I cannot choose the man I love because of the joy he brings my soul everyday, even through the storms? And who sets the rule that says I cannot show my grown children the faith and love I have for them is strong enough to let them live their own lives? Why must this be done with the feeling that I have deserted them instead of the feeling of love and strength it took to give them that freedom?

The feeling of responsibility is a funny thing, it tends to pull us in many directions, due to the abundance of feelings attached to the word. Guilt, sadness, confusion... My experience in this is it comes from the thoughts and feelings of the people we surround ourselves with. The closer people are to us, the stronger the feelings lay toward our duty of upholding the responsibilities of what people expect of us or in us. In this, a lot of unhappiness may lay because we concentrate on what others want or think.

We need to set the boundaries to our needs and what it will take to make ourselves happy. I have discovered that the feeling of responsibility does not bring us happiness, it only increases the negative energy which brings about confusion and stress in our lives.

I have found myself ninety percent of the time worrying about others instead if the goals set for myself. It is not that others are not important, because they are. My children, sweetheart and family are very much a part of my heart. My feeling is that the largest responsibility should not lay in them, but in myself. If we concentrate on the responsibility of keeping our souls and hearts full of positive energy, happiness will easily come into our lives.

The rest of what people may think is our responsibility and boundaries will eventually fade away and be covered by the love we experience deep within ourselves. Our lives will glow with the abundance we have created for ourselves and the people we love and care about. This last part may sound a little harsh but what the heck. What is responsibility anyway? Just a collection of unwanted, negative thoughts clouding the real path to our dreams.

So it is really very simple... Keep our energy focused within our hearts, and that large feeling of responsibility that sits on our very small shoulders will turn into the love we so much want and need. Instead of a whole lot of words attached to thoughts that go nowhere due to our ' responsibilities '.

Thoughts from my heart. All my love, Roberta Joehle.