The Gift

I am in Valerie’s home sitting in her small but inviting living room, my body curled up at one end of the couch, Valerie at the other. I hear her mother clanging dishes a bit while making dinner, her dad smiling while he jokes with me. This home its family within these walls have become one with me, joy spills over as I remember how easily they accepted me as part of their lives. Why accept me I would wonder occasionally,

it is such a small house. There are three bedrooms, two upstairs one down; Valerie’s brother Robert occupied one upstairs, Val and I shared the other while these two wonderful warm adults slept below. Still many years later just the memory of them makes me feel at home; her dad with his silvery hair, quiet sweet voice and a nature that could never harm a soul. Her mom was tiny like Valerie, her nature a bit more firm but still one with a heart of gold.

That time in my life was the closet thing I had to what most would refer to as “a normal childhood’

Val was my best friend we did everything together, for the most part we were good kids although we did like adventure. We would put on music in Rob’s van “The Beach Boys was one of our favorites at that time” then we would dance and dance on the sidewalk in front of the house. Sometimes we would meet up with others down the road in our gully; or we might get someone to drive us to a town two hours away just for tea. We had many adventures but only one really stands , this moment changed the way I think and my life.

Val had been dating her older brothers friend Al, being older he would attend parties that we normally would not be invited to, Once we went along with Al and Rob, people spread throughout the house and yard some drinking others high on some drug. I wandered from room to room feeling a bit out of my element; Val was fine she was with Al. I cannot remember whom but eventually Val and I were offered LSD “acid” both of us didn’t really want to take it but peer pressure won out. Even before I ate that little piece of blotched, paper fear was upon me. I can still feel the effects of that moment, wonderful to begin with then terrifying. Left alone in this dark room with nothing but the television blaring my imagination took over. My mind created snakes at first, crawling beneath my feet, then spiders all sizes large, small, medium crawling all over my body “a scene that stayed with me for most of my life and instilled many fears”. With every scream that rose from my mouth Val would get sick outside on the lawn; this went on until finally an ambulance came for the two of us.

Val and I were in the hospital for about three hours that day during which time I dreaded and feared her parent’s arrival. What were we to expect, I know their wonderful people but this, their daughter and I in the hospital from a drug overdose. They will blame me and send me away then punish Valerie.

Our ride home was quiet; Valerie and I still high from the LSD went upstairs to her bedroom. It was a bright beautiful room; still under the affects of LSD we both laughed and laughed that night. I awoke in the morning full of embarrassment and shame mixed with dread of what I thought was awaiting me. After hanging out upstairs in fear for what seemed an eternity we both ventured downstairs expecting what we did not know? we both thought for sure it would be horrible. Instead, what awaited us was a soft spoken, slightly joking silvery haired man and his tiny big-hearted wife. Nothing was said that day; no lecture, no anger, yelling, name-calling, blame or razor straps just two understanding kind adults.

That day, that moment I realized life could be kind and loving, I never felt more at home inside me this act of kindness would always reflect in the things I did. When feeling hard on myself or unloved I ask, “am I or can I be as forgiving and loving” These people gave me the greatest gift of life “understanding, kindness and love”.

Roberta Joehle

2004